Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
