Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
