go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
