Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Congratulations! We have a period
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize