Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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