you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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