Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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