Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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