she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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