How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
found the other keg... it's in the tree
either way he was missing a nipple.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
