you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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