he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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