I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
