No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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