I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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