Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize