she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
