your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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