Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
