You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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