My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
