shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
