i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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