So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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