Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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