butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
