Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my vagina is haunted
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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