Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
they're like a gay fantastic four
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
