My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
