As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
