I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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