guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
