I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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