Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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