It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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