Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
