I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
