she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
