I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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