I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
