hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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