I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
