I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
