Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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