Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
