Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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