he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
