it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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