I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
