capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
