I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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