Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
