I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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