i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
40s are totally the cure
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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