he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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