True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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