I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
