FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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