Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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