Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
