he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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