keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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