you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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