if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
