Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
