Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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