we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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